How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head. "How you like it?" asked the barber. "Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.
A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.
Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.