Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch. He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.