The best time jokes

Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.10 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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has 62.10 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, political, time, wedding, Yo mama
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement" Me: "Thank you."
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, prison, time
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time, travel
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
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has 61.39 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: college, religious, terrorist, time
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: time, women
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. "What if we get lost?" says one of them. "Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other. "I saw it on TV." Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. "Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter. "Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: friendship, hunting, time
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