The best time jokes

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: golf, sport, time, women
"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, internet, technology, time
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself? The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!" 2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened? I shot myself into my knee.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life, medical, time, women
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: time, wife, women
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
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has 59.20 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, time, Yo mama
They have traced the Gay Gene all the way back to the time of the Dinosaurs. They found two distinct species. They have named them Lickalotapus and Megasoreass.
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has 59.20 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dinosaur, gay, history, science, time
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
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has 59.09 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time, wedding
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor, catholic, religious, time
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him. The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
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has 58.94 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: birthday, marriage, time, wife
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.
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has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: love, romantic, teen, time
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