The best time jokes

One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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has 63.77 % from 452 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time? A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: bible, car, christian, time
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: accountant, funeral, old people, time, work
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work
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