The best time jokes

Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, time
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, old people, time
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
Vote: has 48.78 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Vote: has 48.71 % from 272 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, time, wife, work
Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, college, graduation, time
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Vote: has 47.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, time, women
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
Vote: has 46.37 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, hospital, school, time, travel