Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers? A: You can only kill so much time.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can cause time travel.
Chuck Norris actually went to Rome by all roads. At the same time.
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less? A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.