The best time jokes

Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: time, women
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, time, women
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: IT, management, money, time
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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has 63.70 % from 454 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time, travel
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: pirate, student, time
A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down. He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring. As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?" To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!" And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, relationship, time, work
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
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