Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head. "How you like it?" asked the barber. "Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!