The best time jokes

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time
Yo mama is so fat it took her three whole months to get through a door.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, time, Yo mama
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.
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Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old
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More jokes about: kids, student, teacher, time
One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, game, little Johnny, time, vulgar
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, time
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
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A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch." The teacher said "When its my break." "Your break for what? the kid asks. "My break up" the teacher said.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, kids, relationship, teacher, time
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
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More jokes about: time, work


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