The best time jokes

A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man. The married couple has asked the grandmother together: "What would you like to tell us dear granny? " The granny has said: "I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: couple, marriage, mean, old people, time
Chuck Norris can play a whole note in 3/4 time.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, time
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work
Yo mama is so fat it took her three whole months to get through a door.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, time, Yo mama
People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, health, time
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time, wedding
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, catholic, religious, time
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years. While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed. He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck. Then he gets up and leaves the room. Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you." As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: time, weed
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time
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