I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.
Chuck Norris bunked school one day. Till today that day is known as Sunday.
Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall. This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit. When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram. However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim. She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet. Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”