There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed. They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride. So shed went in the store. Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long. Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!" Police officer was startled what he said. Police said "where's your manners boy!". Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
Chuck Norris is ambidextrous. He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg. All at the same time.
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."