The best time jokes

Yo' Mama is so stupid, it took her an hour to cook instant rice.
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, insulting, stupid, time, Yo mama
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Vote: has 43.90 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, life, marriage, time, wife
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Vote: has 43.73 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, stupid, time, Yo mama
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, time, Yo mama
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time, war
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Vote: has 40.67 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, student, teacher, technology, time
What are Women Really Thinking? So many men, so few who can afford me. Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares? And your point is? Next mood swing: 6 minutes. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, marriage, money, time
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: golf, sport, time, women
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, game, science, time