The best time jokes

Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, time
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
Vote: has 51.81 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Vote: has 51.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, time
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Vote: has 48.71 % from 272 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, time, wife, work
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, old people, time
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, time, women
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money, time