The best time jokes

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, mean, sport, time
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: athlete, time
There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed. They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride. So shed went in the store. Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long. Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!" Police officer was startled what he said. Police said "where's your manners boy!". Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop, food, time, travel
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: golf, sport, time, women
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food, time
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: time, ugly, Yo mama
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, time, work
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time
A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future. The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said: "you will be not rich because you have a very small ass and with such an ass it is not possible to sit on two seats."
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, time, vulgar, work
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
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