One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race.
One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds."
The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record."
So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
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Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.
World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945.
What a coincidence.
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Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house?
A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.
Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch...
He saw it 3 times a day.
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Chuck Norris can play a whole note in 3/4 time.
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Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Chuck Norris kills time in his spare time.
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