The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.
The world won't end in 2012, it will end when Chuck Norris gets bored of it.
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Chuck Norris one checked the Library of Congress for typos during his lunch hour.
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge. By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!