The best time jokes

Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
has 45.78 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes? A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps. Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, kids, time, weather
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
has 45.43 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, death, little Johnny, time
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: bar, life, marriage, time, wife
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later he was picking his teeth.
has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dentist, time
Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.
has 44.84 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, time
Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
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