The best time jokes

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, time
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Vote:
has 54.44 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, husband, marriage, time
Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time.
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Vote:
has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men, time
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before. "It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted. Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag. "Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter. "All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
Vote:
has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, hunting, money, time
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Vote:
has 54.09 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, viagra
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
Vote:
has 54.09 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers? A: You can only kill so much time.
Vote:
has 53.63 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, time
<<<41424344
More jokes →
Page 41 of 51.