Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
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Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time?
A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
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An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years.
During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies.
After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party.
Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
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Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
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The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.