Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Time keeps going only to run away from Chuck Norris.
A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.