The best vulgar jokes

"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
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has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
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has 75.46 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: communication, game, little Johnny, time, vulgar
Yo mama's so fat when she sat on a tree it made paper.
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has 75.37 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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has 74.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: bar, divorce, lawyer, travel, vulgar
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
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has 74.44 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, vulgar, women
Knock,Knock, Who is there? Pen! Pen who? is...
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has 74.44 % from 396 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, knock-knock, vulgar
I bought a lottery ticket. My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?" I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on." He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?" I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."
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has 73.86 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, money, travel, vulgar
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn." I also in payoff on funeral days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
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has 72.98 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: family, funeral, time, vulgar, wedding
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
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has 72.46 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, vulgar
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