The best vulgar jokes

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
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has 72.45 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, vulgar, women
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
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has 72.36 % from 144 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, vulgar
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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has 72.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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has 70.87 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
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has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: communication, game, little Johnny, time, vulgar
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, math, nerd, vulgar
Yo mama's so fat, that her MySpace has no space.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, internet, vulgar, Yo mama
Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says I love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never wouldn't have happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn
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has 69.90 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: kids, love, poems, sex, vulgar
Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?" Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1." Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit." Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead." Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
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has 69.86 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, kids, teacher, vulgar
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 69.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
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