The best vulgar jokes

One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
Vote:
has 72.45 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: communication, game, little Johnny, time, vulgar
Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
Vote:
has 72.03 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote:
has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
Vote:
has 71.15 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, vulgar
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
Vote:
has 71.11 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, vulgar
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Vote:
has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Vote:
has 70.33 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
Vote:
has 70.09 % from 319 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar
Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?" Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1." Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit." Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead." Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
Vote:
has 69.92 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, kids, teacher, vulgar
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 10.