The best vulgar jokes

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, divorce, lawyer, travel, vulgar
Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?" Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1." Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit." Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead." Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
Vote: has 72.69 % from 100 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, disgusting, kids, teacher, vulgar
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, beer, math, nerd, vulgar
These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!" His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly." The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible. The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!" The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass". After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down. His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up." His friend says "No!" The other guy says "Why". His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, driving, friendship, travel, vulgar
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?" Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass." Teacher: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"
Vote: has 71.80 % from 125 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Vote: has 70.81 % from 136 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, vulgar
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Yo mama's so fat, that her MySpace has no space.
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, insulting, internet, vulgar, Yo mama
May: "Why did you slap me?!" Michael: "I didn't slap your face! I High fived it!" May: "I'm going to tell mom on you when we go to the sea side!" Micheal: "Uh, Shore you will." May: "Don't be such a beach."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, vulgar