The best vulgar jokes

Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: democrat, dog, political, vulgar
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. While drinking he notices on the back shelf, a giant glass jar full of dollar bills. He asks the bartender "what's with all the $"? The bartender replies, "it's a game customers play. They put $50 in the jar, and have to complete 3 tasks to win the bulk". The man says, shocked, "well what are the tasks? There must be thousands in that jar". The bartender responds "you must pay the $50 before given the tasks". The man refuses and claims that's stupid. But after a few beers, curiosity gets to him and he decides to pay the fee. The bartender explains "The three tasks are... you must first drink this entire bottle of tequila until it's empty. Next, outback is an angry, stray Rottweiler who has a horrible tooth which needs to be removed. And lastly, upstairs in the apartment is an old lady who's been widowed for 45 years and hasn't had an orgasm since. So you must also give her a wild time to extreme pleasure to win the reward". The man agrees and starts with a few sips of the spirit, takes a break then chugs the rest of the entire bottle! Already feeling wasted and dazed, he stumbles out of his stool, and towards the back exit. Once outside, the bartender and other customers can only listen to what is happening. After a few barks and growls, all of a sudden the dog lets out a loud whimper. In stumbles, the daring man, clothes shredded and blood spattered. The customer's mouths were hanging wide open. The bartender asks " oh my god, nobody's ever done that, is the dog going to be alright?!" "Ahhhh Don't worry about that damn dog" shouts the drunken man. "Just tell me where the old bitch is who needs that tooth pulled". Heard this from an old man, not sure where he got it from, or if it's on here already or not.
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, beer, dog, money, vulgar
So that there be less strife May your dreams be sweet And your ass does not tweet tonight.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, poems, vulgar
Man walks into a bar and sits next to another customer. Bartender comes over and says to the new customer, "what can I get you?" Customer says "bourbon and coke." Bartender looks at first customer and says another "beer Jackass?" He says nods his head yes. 10 minutes later bartender comes back to check to see if customer wants another bourbon and coke and customer says "sure." Bartender looks at first customer and says "another beer Jackass?" And customer nods yes. Bourbon and coke customer says to beer customer, "Man you are the customer, don't le t that bartender talk to you like that." Beer customer says "it's ok he al, he al, He always calls me that!"
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, communication, customer service, vulgar
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face Bless his hair that tends to curl Keep him safe from all the girls Bless his arms that are so strong Keep his hands where they belong Bless his dick, the one i sucked Bless the bed, in which we fucked And if my Mom happened to walk in Bless the shit I'd be in.
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar
Yo mama so fat people used her as a tramp.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama
Little Johnny comes home from school, and his mom asks: "Johnny, how did it go with your exam? Was written or oral?" And Johnny says: "Mom, I think it was anal... 'Cuz it went like shit!"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, little Johnny, school, vulgar
Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
Vote: has 61.45 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, vulgar, weed, Yo mama
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Vote: has 60.93 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed