The best vulgar jokes

Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
Vote: has 64.65 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex, vulgar, Yo mama
Yo mama told me that she had some wrinkles in her feet ; I suggested to wear stocking. She said : "Woo it is 50 years that I am wearing pants the chink of her ass hadn't been recovery!"
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, communication, vulgar, Yo mama
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants. So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader. Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says "This is the last time I ask earthling!" Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker". Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM! A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away. As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?" The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Vote: has 63.79 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, desert island, life, morbid, vulgar
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face Bless his hair that tends to curl Keep him safe from all the girls Bless his arms that are so strong Keep his hands where they belong Bless his dick, the one i sucked Bless the bed, in which we fucked And if my Mom happened to walk in Bless the shit I'd be in.
Vote: has 63.26 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar
Yo mama so ugly when she went outside it was a black out.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: ugly, vulgar, Yo mama
Little Johnny comes home from school, and his mom asks: "Johnny, how did it go with your exam? Was written or oral?" And Johnny says: "Mom, I think it was anal... 'Cuz it went like shit!"
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, little Johnny, school, vulgar
NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant. DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended. You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, stupid, vulgar
One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
Vote: has 61.71 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, game, little Johnny, time, vulgar
Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
Vote: has 60.54 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, vulgar, weed, Yo mama
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Vote: has 60.06 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed