What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
Yo mama's so fat that when she puts on a jumper it's known as global warming.
The Sun is shining, what a beautiful day! It would be a pity not to sit this day in a pub by the window though.
Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle
Q: What game do tornadoes like to play? A: Twister.
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!