The best wife jokes

Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
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has 75.97 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: age, life, marriage, money, wife
There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?" The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."
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has 75.94 % from 318 votes. More jokes about: black humor, funeral, husband, racist, wife
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket. The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll go home."
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wife
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 75.90 % from 231 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife
"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?" "Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, sex, wife
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.
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has 75.66 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: wife, women
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: wife, women
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"
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has 75.62 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, drunk, party, wife
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
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has 75.54 % from 357 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
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