The best wife jokes

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
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has 75.33 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, marriage, sex, wife
Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian. Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!" He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?" The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day. The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!" Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, wife, work
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, Halloween, ugly, wife
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: memory, Valentines day, wife
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
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has 74.42 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: sex, wife
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
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has 74.17 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: life, men, wife, women
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
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has 74.13 % from 503 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
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