The best wine jokes

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune." The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, god, priest, wine
Overheard in a restaurant: She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste." He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
Vote:
has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mother in law, wine
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Vote:
has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: food, men, wine, work
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence?
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
Vote:
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: cop, mean, priest, vulgar, wine
I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: flirt, wine
Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.
Vote:
has 43.39 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, wine
Women are just like fine wine. I only like the white ones.
Vote:
has 36.49 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: racist, white people, wine, women
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Vote:
has 35.32 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, wine
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Vote:
has 32.87 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: beer, bible, Chuck Norris, religious, wine
<<<45
More jokes →
Page 4 of 5.