The best wine jokes

Overheard in a restaurant: She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste." He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mother in law, wine
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dog, wine
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: technology, wine, women, work
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune." The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, god, priest, wine
I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence?
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, men, wine, work
I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: flirt, wine
A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: cop, mean, priest, vulgar, wine
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, religious, wine
Women are just like fine wine. I only like the white ones.
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has 45.24 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: racist, white people, wine, women
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