The best wine jokes

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, bible, Chuck Norris, religious, wine
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine: 1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
Overheard in a restaurant: She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste." He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mother in law, wine
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, wine
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drunk, wine
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, money, wine
Chuck Norris once drank wine from a chalice. This chalice is now known as the holy grail.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, religious, wine
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: technology, wine, women, work