The best jokes about women

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.” and she processes his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
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has 81.05 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: old people, wife, women
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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has 80.87 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life, Santa, women
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"? A: They want to watch their asses.
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has 80.87 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, men, women
Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas." The woman obliged and removed her clothing. "Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on." While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
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has 80.86 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: women
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
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has 80.83 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women, work
Josh: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning? John: A visitor.
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has 80.82 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: women
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 80.74 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
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has 80.72 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: golf, medical, stupid, women
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 80.60 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.
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has 80.57 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: food, women
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