The best jokes about women

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
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More jokes about: husband, kids, life, men, women
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
Vote: has 80.60 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, men, sex, women
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks. The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.” and she processes his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
Vote: has 80.59 % from 143 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, wife, women
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, men, political, women
Recruits got a shock when their Army basic-training instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant. Her assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was anything she could do for us, just ask. From the back, a voice called out, "How about a kiss from the sergeant?" "Sure," she replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. "But I'll let my assistant take care of it!"
Vote: has 80.29 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, women
In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, women
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making. The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom. Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks. "Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready for you." "Okay" the man replies "I'll go get ready." He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands. "Who the f**k are you?" the man asks. "I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with." The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!" The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise. "Those little bastards!"
Vote: has 80.01 % from 439 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, love, sex, women
Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.
Vote: has 79.93 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, women
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Vote: has 79.74 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*
Vote: has 79.54 % from 1202 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, dirty, sex, women