What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!" Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!” So the woman asked, “Is this a record?” To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."