The best jokes about women

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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has 77.75 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, genie, holiday, lawyer, women
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.
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has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: wife, women
The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?" I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: wife, women
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.
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has 77.45 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: women
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
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has 77.36 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, time, women
Q: Why did my wife cross the road? A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
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has 77.36 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: business, mean, travel, wife, women
If God is a woman then we're all going to go to Hell, but we'll never know why.
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has 77.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: god, women
Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!" Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
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has 77.19 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage, mean, women
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, prison, women
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life, political, women, work
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