Q: How are women and tornadoes alike?
A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl?
A: Her-She Kisses.
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers?
1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles.
2. Hunters always....shoot twice.
3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?"
The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"
A pregnant woman is about to give birth.
The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups.
Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through.
Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”.
The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”.
With that, the baby pops right back inside.
“Damn!”, says the doctor.
A short while later he sees the head push through again.
“Are you my dad?”, asks the baby.
“No, I am your doctor.”, he replies.
Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb.
The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”.
Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out.
“Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father.
The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!”
The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank.
In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off.
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face.
She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face.
She said that she did and he shot and killed her too.
He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place.
The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.