The best jokes about women

She said "Gym or me". Sometimes I miss her.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: gym, women
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, office, women
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel. After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead. No sign of the blonde. After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore. They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink. After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, sport, stupid, time, women
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: women
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, kids, mean, women
Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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has 75.91 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, sex, women
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: golf, medical, stupid, women
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, flirt, women
Scientists have finally discovered what is wrong with the female brain. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left.
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has 75.89 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: women
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub: "You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar." - And what did you do ? "I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her." "Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?" "I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop." "Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
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has 75.85 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: bar, IT, office, programmer, women
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