Q: Why do some women look at blank paper? A: They like to read their rights.
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?" By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, "You sure he isn’t here?" The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?" The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!"
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve? A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.