The best jokes about women

A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future: Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
What a woman says… This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears… blah blah blah blah blah C’MON! YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
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More jokes about: alcohol, women
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.
Vote: has 64.65 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, women
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
Vote: has 64.58 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, men, women
This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
Vote: has 63.93 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women