Lady: Is this my train? Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi. Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
Why Airplanes are better than Women ? Airplanes usually kill you quickly ...a woman takes her time. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.... Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go".... Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.... Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.... Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.... Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.... Airplanes don't come with in-laws.... Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.... Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.... Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.... Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.... Airplanes expect to be tied down.... Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.... Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.... However...when airplanes go quiet...just like women...it's usually not good. If you miscalculate and make a mistake with an airplane, you don't have a bunch of "little airplanes" flying around out of control! When your airplane is sitting there looking at you face to face whining @ 15,000 r's, you want to hear more! With an airplane, your frequency is continuous, and not just once or twice a year! The shape of an airplanes empanage stays constant over the years! Airplanes don't stop for yard and garage sales or tupperware parties! If an airplane gets in the way, you just put it out in the garage, and that is that! It is interesting watching an airplane stall! If a woman ground loops, it is usually more than just a broken prop!
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. "Right, you Jimmy," he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate!" "But..." stammers the driver. "Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!" So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn"t take him long. "Right!" snarls the Highlander. "Du it agin, now!" So the driver does it again. "Right laddie, du it agin!" demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. "Du it again!" says the Highlander. "I can"t do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!" whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, "All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?"
This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system