Q: What is height of Honesty? A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions? A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it? A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."