Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes.
He walks there only to find it closed.
So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment.
After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?"
The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"
Two women are digging in the garden.
One pulls out a foot-long carrot.
She says, "This one reminds me of my husband."
The second woman says, "Your husband's is that long?"
"No that dirty."
A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principals.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
"Mom, can I escort Helen?"
The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears: "Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!"
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
Question: What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Answer: Not really too much, but you can’t help but crack a smile when one tumbles down the stairs.
Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
A man knocked on a door an a women answered and he asked if he could use her toilet.
She said you have 3 chances, if you do 3 things wrong I`ll call the police.
So he went to piss but on the flush chain there was a bra so he ripped it off.
Then when he was walking down the stairs he saw her cat called Boobs on the step & he hates cats so he squezed it & then threw it up the stairs.
He then went in the kitchen where the women was & the women said why did you throw my cat up the stairs?
He said I don`t know.
While she went to get it, on the table was a glass of milk which he then drank.
When the women came back she said you had your 3 chances now I'm calling the Police.
When the police came they asked her what the man had done. She said this man has ripped her bra off, squezed her Boobs and drank her milk.