Q: What is height of Honesty?
A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga?
A: Poke her face.
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
Vote:
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Vote:
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it?
A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
"There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works."