The best jokes about women

Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis? Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
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has 59.75 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: women
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: time, wife, women
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 58.81 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men, political, women
Why are women like parking spaces? Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: music, women
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum. Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?" To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips." Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?" "No, but it stops me from licking them!"
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: church, cowboy, disgusting, horse, women
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: cat, dirty, mean, weather, women
Q: Why did this woman cross the road? A: Because I was not fast enough to hit her.
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: women
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking maybe she’d won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: women
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