The best jokes about women

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Vote: has 57.03 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: time, women
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: horse, internet, single, women
Q: What is height of Honesty? A: A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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More jokes about: women
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
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More jokes about: beauty, men, women
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions? A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
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More jokes about: women
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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More jokes about: black humor, food, women
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed? Yeah... now he has no ears.
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, love, women
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
Vote: has 56.76 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, military, women
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, money, women