The best jokes about women

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes. He walks there only to find it closed. So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment. After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?" The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hell have you been?!" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"
Vote: has 54.26 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, marriage, wife, women
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
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More jokes about: horse, internet, single, women
Question: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Answer: Pregnant.
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More jokes about: women
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
Vote: has 54.06 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food. The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food. Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
Vote: has 53.62 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, men, women
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, driving, women
Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
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More jokes about: alcohol, beauty, husband, women
Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly... On a broomstick. We're flexible like that.
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More jokes about: women
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
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More jokes about: music, women


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