What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
Vote:
A lady goes into a bar with her goose.
Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it