A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says "Hey how bout it. You and me, gettin it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch."
What is a Zebra? A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!