Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Girl: why am I still single? Brain: you're weird as shit. Body: and you're fat. Face: plus you're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.
Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!
Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics? A: To keep the flies off the chicken
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away.
Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.