Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through.
The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?"
The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
Vote:
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vagina?
A: A woman.
Vote:
A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken