The best jokes about women

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
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has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: money, phone, women, work
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: age, time, women
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, doctor, insulting, women
Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ? A fifty pound note !
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: women
Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: beer, women
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: women
He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: women
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sport, time, women
Q: Why did God create women? A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: god, women
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