A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. The woman replied, snorting pepper.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."
Q: Why do women have tiny feet? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home. Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough. Then repeat with the other breast. Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.