A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight. She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?" The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!" She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?" The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them.
Question: What’s six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Answer: Money.
Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "You worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..