The best work jokes

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, health, stupid, work
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life, work
A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says: "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies: "150 dollars!" The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner: "Have you seen that UPS driver? I asked him to wait here for me!"
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More jokes about: business, money, time, work
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation, technology, work
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Vote: has 73.31 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, money, sex, work
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note. The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin." The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note. Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin." At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?" "Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
Vote: has 73.25 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, money, priest, work
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: christian, Christmas, church, easter, work
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years." The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "Food cold!" the man replied. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?" "Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed. Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?" "I quit!" said the man. "Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, men, work
An old seamstress is slowly walking back to her job from lunch, when a flasher jumps out of an alley and opens his coat wide. The old woman looks him up and down, shakes her head sadly, and says "You call that a lining?"
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More jokes about: age, old people, work