The best work jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."
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has 73.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beauty, black humor, customer service, death, work
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
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has 73.93 % from 503 votes. More jokes about: food, sex, work
How many mexicans does it take to build... Oh shit, They're done!
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has 73.92 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: life, mexican, work
A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort. The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill. He stopped indignant there and told to the child: "You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do." "I told them, sir." "Well, what did they reply?" "Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."
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has 73.80 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: god, kids, work
The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for. "Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." "Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible." The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?" "Yeah. But you started it."
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has 73.64 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: accountant, graduation, mean, money, work
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: school, student, time, work
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, work
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, graduation, money, work
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
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has 73.31 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, office, phone, work
After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.
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has 73.13 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: graduation, school, time, work
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