The best work jokes

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, life, political, women, work
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: office, work
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, work
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, light bulb, technology, work
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Vote: has 67.56 % from 1198 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife, work
A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job. The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar. The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you? The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!
Vote: has 67.55 % from 428 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, black people, sex, work
Two men work in a mortuary. One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today. She'd been in the water for a week. Her clit was like a pickle." "Ew!" says the other fellow. "It was green?" "No, it was sour!"
Vote: has 67.28 % from 238 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, women, work
"What are you doing there?" "I'm making something." "What are you making?" "A bomb." "Can I help?" "Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, science, work
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, IT, work
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work