Best jokes ever

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
Vote: has 45.98 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cat, doctor, game, sport
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Vote: has 45.89 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, disgusting, redneck
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Vote: has 45.85 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, women
Q: What does pontiac stand for? A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.
Vote: has 45.84 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, love, women
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor
An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, ethnic, football, kids, racist
Yo momma’s so ugly, people make jokes about her.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, god, marriage, wife, work