One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.
A wife returns late at night back home. "Where have you been?" asks her husband. "With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men." One day later the husband returns back home late. "Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"
Q: What's the difference between jews and boyscouts? A: Boyscouts come back from their camp.
Q: What do you call a white man in the ghetto? A: A victim.
What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float? You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
In the Matrix, the bullets try to dodge Chuck Norris - and fail.