What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
The car salesman can probably drive!
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
The dinosaurs aren't extinct.
They're just hiding from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What’s the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged.
He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Vote:
Dick’s family were very poor – when the wolf came to the door, they ate it.