Being poor has its advantages. For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. The woman replied, snorting pepper.
An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check. "That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!" The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head. After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?" The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.” “Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?” “I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.