Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies? A: A baseball team.
A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once? So people can’t see that the company works without them..
A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
Q: Why did the white man cross the road? A: To steal our land and enslave our children.
A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk. "My head's spinning," the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?" "Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in n-dimensional space and then set n = 13."
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser.
The anniversary of 9/11 approaches and I don't usually buy in to conspiracy theories, but did you spot that if you add 9 and 11 you get 20. And that is curiously the average IQ of an American