A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
You realize that you are dependent of the internet when: You forget in what year you are. You get out from you’re room and you discover that you’re parent moved and you don’t even know when that happened. You dream only of quick connections. You open you’re interphone when you get out from you’re room so you can hear when you get an e-mail.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper.
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie.
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
My husband added some spice to our marriage. He's left home.