Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
Q: Why are politicians like diapers? A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance? A: To snowballs.
One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." Bush replied, "What’s the good news?" "I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."
The clerk walks into the boss's office and says, "The auditors have just left, sir." "Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss. "Very thoroughly," is the reply. "Well, what did they say", says the boss. "They want 15% to keep quiet."