Best jokes ever

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk. The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks". To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!" And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!" They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
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has 80.58 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.
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has 80.53 % from 2541 votes. More jokes about: gay, wife
Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV? A: The Dallas Cowboys.
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has 80.52 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: communication, cowboy, football, money, sport
Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
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has 80.52 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 80.52 % from 259 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, family, husband, lawyer, money
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: mean, technology, vulgar
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
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has 80.51 % from 971 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, technology
What type of pussy does a priest get? Nun.
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has 80.51 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
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has 80.50 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, friendship, travel
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