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A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
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More jokes about: celebrity, life
Chuck Norris doesn't use his hand to catch bullets, he uses his mind.
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Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
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When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
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More jokes about: management, work
Chuck Norris can set water on fire. He can also set fire on water.
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Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
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I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
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More jokes about: geography, life, mother in law
Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
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More jokes about: drunk, wine
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
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More jokes about: graduation, sport