The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
Why are football stadiums always cool? "Because they're full of fans."
Yo mama so stupid she though iHop was a gym!
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.