What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
What does a blonde use for protection during sex? A bus shelter.
They say about money that you can’t take it with you. I can’t even afford to go.
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club. ‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one. ‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"