Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
Tom is walking home from the pub late one night when he takes a short cut across a cow field. Halfway across he drops his hat. He has to try on fifty others before he finds it again.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747? Not everyone’s been in a 747.
A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Why did the gag-writer turn green? Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
What’s the difference between an insurance company actuary and a Mafia actuary? An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year, a Mafia actuary can name them.