My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class.
Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad.
To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him.
"Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military.
The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military.
The Marine Corps is a cult.
The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'."
So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?"
Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation.
Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other."
By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did.
"What did you do in the military, dad?"
"Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
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Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
There was a crooked woman,
who ran a crooked mile.
She found a crooked Weiner,
who always made her smile.
She belongs in prison,
for she is just a crook.
And if you don't believe me,
you can read it in her book.
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Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
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The anniversary of 9/11 approaches and I don't usually buy in to conspiracy theories, but did you spot that if you add 9 and 11 you get 20.
And that is curiously the average IQ of an American
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
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Q: Why were wheelbarrows invented?
A: To teach blacks how to walk on two legs.
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