Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
Chuck Norris can do a downward uppercut.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many men went down on the Titanic.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
What kind of money do marsupials use? Pocket change!
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.