Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second…
My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit money and she withdraws it.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
What are the six worst years in a blonde’s life? Third grade.
What does a blonde say after having sex? What team do you guys play for?
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"