A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
Vote:
A man was getting ready to close his bar for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.
He yells to him, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"
The scared the man pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"
HE says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the the man's head and says, Alright, now give me a bl*wjob!"
"Anything!" cries Banta, "Just don't shoot!"
The man starts to blow the crook.
As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun.
Man sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! Somebody might walk in!"
Three women were debating about how wide their pussy are.
The first one said: "When my husband makes sex he puts his penis and his testicles in my pussy."
The second lady said: "Wooo when we are in bed my husband puts his hand and his arm in mine."
It was the turn of the third woman that pointed to her pussy and said: Jimy; Jimy come out, please."
Vote:
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
Vote:
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied.
"Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".
Vote:
Why don't black people go on cruises?
They already fell for that shit once before.
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Vote:
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Vote:
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
Vote: