Best jokes ever

Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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has 80.12 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, sex, women
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
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has 80.12 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
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has 80.12 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, kids, money
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
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has 80.11 % from 392 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair. "Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises. "Is someone else in here?" he asks. "Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says. "Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says. "Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."
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has 80.11 % from 348 votes. More jokes about: car, cowboy, dirty, money, women
Teacher:Maria please point to America on the map. Maria:This is it. Teacher:Well done. Now class, who found America? Class:Maria did.
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has 80.11 % from 381 votes. More jokes about: geography, school, teacher
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
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has 80.11 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad
A total eclipse won't look directly at Chuck Norris.
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has 80.11 % from 197 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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has 80.09 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, cop, horse, kids, money
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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has 80.08 % from 1209 votes. More jokes about: hospital, sex, technology
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