Best jokes ever

A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car. He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40. A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a picture of handcuffs.
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has 80.19 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, money
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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has 80.19 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, single
I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."
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has 80.19 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, funeral
My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.
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has 80.19 % from 366 votes. More jokes about: IT
Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?" Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about the jews."
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has 80.19 % from 2047 votes. More jokes about: Hitler, jewish, racist
If Chuck Norris was a spartan the movie would be called "1".
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has 80.19 % from 388 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school... Teacher: "Whats your name?" Boy: "Nadir" Teacher: "No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today." Boy went home and his mother asked: "How was the day Nadir?" Boy: "I am an American now, so call me Johnny." Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised... Teacher: "What happened Johnny?" Boy: "Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists."
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has 80.18 % from 1151 votes. More jokes about: racist, school
It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat.
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has 80.17 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: life
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind. Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it. I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
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has 80.16 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: age, death, mean, morbid, relationship
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts. "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?" "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them." "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
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has 80.16 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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