Best jokes ever

An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge $100 for what we just did." The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $200."
Vote: has 80.14 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC. The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I learned to be clean and sanitary."  The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Yale, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious."  The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In kindergarten, I learned not to piss on my hands."
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school
In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, death, women
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user... Help desk: Double click on "My Computer". Lady: I can't see your computer... Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer. Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?! Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it... Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
Vote: has 80.13 % from 116 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: computer, customer service, IT
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click." "Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle." "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
Vote: has 80.12 % from 98 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: military
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
Vote: has 80.12 % from 104 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: chemistry, nerd, science
When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up.
Vote: has 80.11 % from 231 votes. Send joke:
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 80.09 % from 408 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris


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