Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
I couldn't understand why it hurts a lot when you bite your tongue accidentally, but it doesn't hurt when you bite it intentionally, and what I couldn't understand most is why you're biting your tongue right now?!
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Yo mamma is so fat, she got hit by a car and said: Who threw that rock???
Vote: has 79.90 % from 576 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Vote: has 79.88 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, holiday, sport, travel
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
Vote: has 79.88 % from 155 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Yo mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the shit out of the toilet.
Vote: has 79.88 % from 409 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
"Dad, whats the difference between a p*ssy and a c*nt ?" young son ask. "Look at this," says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "that's a p*ssy son." "Its wonderful dad, can I touch it?" "NO son," says dad, "If you touch the p*ssy you'll wake the c*nt up!"
Vote: has 79.86 % from 771 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob.
Vote: has 79.82 % from 547 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, men
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."
Vote: has 79.80 % from 266 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, dirty, disgusting, navy, sex
A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
Vote: has 79.80 % from 177 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, black humor, disgusting, life, sex