Best jokes ever

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long… The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don’t know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Oh! I really don’t want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears… Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
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More jokes about: life
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
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More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
Vote: has 80.02 % from 230 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
One day johnny's mam asks the class, "Which part of the human body goes to heaven first?" Suzi said, "Well, it's our hands. We do all the good things with our hand, so they are bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Anybody else?" Rocky says, "Well, it's our heart. We think all the good things with our heart, so it's bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Do you want to say something, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Our legs go to heaven first." Teacher, not getting any clue says, "How comes it, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Yesterday night, I was passing through my parent's room, & there was my mom,-legs high in the air- screaming 'Oh God! I am cumming'"
Vote: has 80.00 % from 291 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".
Vote: has 80.00 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
An elderly lady was concerned about her husband’s hearing. It seemed that every time she would call him, he wouldn’t respond. So, the lady went to the doctor to ask his advice. The doctor said to her, “when you go home, tell your husband to stand at the end of the hallway, and you should stand at the other end. Ask him what he wants for dinner. Continue to move him closer towards you until he responds to your question so you know exactly how far away he is from you when he finally hears you.” She thought this was a great idea. When she got home, she placed her husband at the end of the hallway and yelled, “Herbert, what do you want for dinner?” There was no response. She moved 10 feet closer. Again she yelled, “Herbert, what do you want for dinner?” No response. She moved another 15 feet closer to where she was now practically face to face with her husband. She yelled even louder this time, “HERBERT, what do you want for dinner?” Herbert yelled back at her, “For the THIRD time, I want chicken!”
Vote: has 80.00 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people
Dreams about Chuck Norris are in 4D.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so ugly that when she smiles in the mirror the reflection doesn't smile back.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
"Dad, whats the difference between a p*ssy and a c*nt ?" young son ask. "Look at this," says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "that's a p*ssy son." "Its wonderful dad, can I touch it?" "NO son," says dad, "If you touch the p*ssy you'll wake the c*nt up!"
Vote: has 79.96 % from 775 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty